Professionalism has its downside. As a long-time translator, I have great difficulty reading translated literature. Even if I am not familiar with the original, I notice the judgment calls made by the translator and consider how I would have done things differently. I have heard similar stories from other professionals, such as a graphic designer, who is bothered by font size mistakes or a sofer stam, who takes off his glasses whenever he is called up to the Torah on Shabbat, so as not to find a mistake.
The same could be said for parenting. As “professional” mothers and fathers, we all have our ideas of how to parent. Sometimes, our “colleagues’” parenting techniques rub us the wrong way. Over the years, I have received my fair share of comments and dirty looks from people, who thought they knew better than me how to bring up my children.
On one occasion, as we shopped in a huge department store, my daughter kept wandering off. No matter what I did, she seemed determined to get lost. Finally, I decided to try something different and let her experience logical consequences. The next time she walked off, instead of retrieving her, I stayed put and watched her from a distance.
After a couple of minutes, she realized she was lost and started looking for us. Soon enough, a kindhearted lady walked up to help. At that point, I walked over, thanked the lady, and explained that the girl was not lost and that I had kept an eye on her. The woman was incredulous. “Why would you do something like that?” she said, failing to comprehend why I would let my child feel lost.
This incident resurfaced in my mind several days ago, while shopping with my teenage daughter. As we walked down the main street of Jerusalem, we noticed a 5 or 6-year-old boy in the middle of a tantrum. He sprawled on the pavement and screamed at the top of his lungs, as his mother stood nearby, looking dejected. Apparently, she had decided to let the tantrum run its course. All around, people were stopping, staring, and making comments.
At that moment I felt an overwhelming feeling of empathy. I walked over and offered her some encouragement. She smiled backed. My daughter and I walked into a near-by store, and by the time we came out several minutes later, the child was in his mother’s arms, completely calm.
Despite our diverse backgrounds and approaches, all parents share a common goal – to raise happy, well-adjusted kids. Instead of judging, we can offer each other encouragement and share experiences. A friendly smile and warm word will take any parent much further than any critical stare ever could.
What do you do when people criticize your parenting style? Have you found an effective way to encourage other parents? Please share your experiences.
