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Judaism

The Blessing of Being Imperfect

Dec 22nd, 2010
by Leah.
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A couple of weeks ago, I finished a series of speech therapy treatments. Despite teaching and speaking in public for years, I felt very insecure about my communication abilities. Being asked to repeat myself several times in ordinary conversations didn’t do much for my self-esteem. That was why I decided to embark on a course of treatment usually reserved for children.

My fabulous therapist taught me breathing technique, articulation exercises, and speaking tricks that helped me improve what I thought to be a permanent obstacle. Then this morning, Yedidya Meir in his daily radio show offered a beautiful insight from the Maharal on the weekly parsha that goes to the heart of living with limitations.

The Maharal asks what should be an obvious question. G-d miraculously enabled Moshe to reach the ultimate stage of perfection, making him the greatest prophet in human history. Yet, Moshe retained the single impairment, which ostensibly would preclude Moshe from serving as a prophet and leader.

Maharal answers that Moshe’s difficulty in speech was divinely ordained to prove the veracity of the Torah. While a charismatic orator has the ability to lead a crowd astray by words of falsehood, an inept speaker usually has difficulty gaining support even for a true message. Still, despite Moshe’s poor speaking abilities, he was able to pass down the Torah to the Jewish people and serve as their leader for 40 years.

By virtue of being human, each person faces a limitation or disability of some sort, whether physical, intellectual, or emotional.  Often, it takes keen perception and courage to identify and accept one’s own limitations. In our subjectivity, we either tend to dismiss them or castigate ourselves for being imperfect.

Maharal teaches us that people’s seemingly annoying shortcomings are precisely tailored tools for each person’s life mission. Sometimes, these shortcomings foster realizations and create opportunities for personal development. In other cases, they steer a person onto a specific course, which he wouldn’t have chosen otherwise.

A person can choose to lament his limitations or fight against them. It is also possible to accept them and live life to the fullest.  Accepting limitations does not mean falling into despair. Often it is possible to overcome a limitation with treatment or character development. Viewing this as an opportunity for growth rather than an enemy to be fought makes the experience more productive and less threatening. At other times, a limitation is permanent, yet a lot can be done to lead a full and fulfilling life.

Recently, a friend shared a conversation she had had years ago with her learning-disabled child surrounded by super-achieving siblings. Back from a parent-teacher conference, she found her daughter waiting anxiously to find out what the teachers had said. “The teacher said that you are one and only and thank G-d for that,” the mother told her. Seeing the question in the child’s eyes she went on to explain that G-d is not a locksmith and he doesn’t duplicate keys. On the contrary, each person is created as a unique piece in the world’s rich tapestry.

Today, that child is a grown woman, a college graduate, and a teacher. She has repeatedly told her mother that it was this understanding of each person’s unique place that enabled her to survive the difficult school years and deal with the disability.

May G-d give each person the strength to overcome that which he can, the courage to accept that which he cannot, and the wisdom to distinguish between the two.


 

Seven Ways to Bring Moshiach

Jan 2nd, 2010
by Leah.
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This week’s Maayanei Hayeshua shabbat pamphlet published an interview with Rabbi Mordechai Eliyahu’s wife, Rabbanit Tova. Amidst stories of other patients healed following a blessing from Rav Eliyahu, she recalled a conversation in which she asked why he was not praying for himself. Rav Eliyahu answered that he was accepting the suffering upon himself in order to annul evil decrees against the Jewish people, saying that ultimately this would culminate in the coming of Moshiach. When asked what needs to be done to bring Moshiach, Rav Eliayhu said that everyone should do teshuva in the area of “veachavta lereyecha kamocha”  (loving our fellow Jews).

I realize that this is nothing new. Any kid can tell you that since the Beit Hamikdash was destroyed due to sinat chinam, so the geula will come through ahavat chinam. Still, Rav Eliyahu’s statement gives this idea a new urgency.

After reading the interview, I started thinking of practical ways we could enhance ahavat chinam. Here is my list: (more…)

Torah as a self-help book

Nov 4th, 2009
by Leah.
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Are you looking to make your life more fulfilling?

Shell out $20 or mosey over to the synagogue near you.

A trip into the heartland

Oct 5th, 2009
by Leah.
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Yesterday, we took advantage of the holidays to visit friends in Elon Moreh. I haven’t been into the Shomron for about 10 years, so this was an excellent opportunity to get a fresh look at the area.

We usually take advantage of family trips to anchor our children’s knowledge of various subjects to the site of actual places and things. As we drove past Shilo, we reminded them of the story of Elkana, Chana, and Shmuel (1 Samuel 1). On top of Mount Kabir, we pointed out Joshua’s altar (Joshua 8:30), Shechem, Mounts Eval and Gerizim, and Tevetz from the story of Avimelech (Judges 9:50). (The names of Biblical sites all over Israel have been preserved in the names of adjacent Arab villages. You can read more about this here.)

What I did not expect was the effect that the trip had on me. When I first came to Israel, I was constantly aware of the Biblical sites around me. It took a while until the amazement and the feeling of privilege at being able to walk on the same hills as David, Shmuel, and Yermiyahu wore off. Since I am neither an archeologist nor a tour guide, after living in the midst of the Biblical heartland for some 15 years, it’s not something I think about on the day-to-day basis.

Yesterday’s one hour drive and the accompanying discussion with the children reawakened this dormant awareness. During the two-thousand-year-long exile , the Jewish people maintained a connection with this land to the point that centuries after the exile, Biblical commentators could draw on their knowledge of Israel’s geography and topography to explain difficult passages in the Torah (Rashi on Genesis 37:14 is just one such example). We didn’t give up on this land while separated from it and we certainly have no plans of giving up on it now that we live, raise children, and plant trees on its soil.

Today we plan to visit Beth El and Jerusalem is on the itinerary for later this week.  I’ am going to think of ideas from keeping familiarity blindness from taking over again.

Motivating Atonement

Sep 26th, 2009
by Leah.
3 comments

With Yom Kippur less than 24 hours away, I would like to share a novel thought I heard from Rabbi Reuven Fireman.

Though a person’s ability to mend his ways through teshuva (repentance) is a very basic concept in Judaism, like every other rule it has an exception. The Talmud states one and only case in which someone was prevented from returning to his faith – Elisha ben Avuya, aptly called the “Acher” (the other).

In his better days, Rabbi Elisha ben Avuya reached one of the pinnacles of spirituality by entering the Pardes (according to the Tosafot he achieved a spiritual elevation by intensely meditating on G-d’s Name) along with Rabbi Akiva, Ben Zoma, and Ben Azaai. However, unlike Rabbi Akiva, Elisha ben Avuya was unable to sustain this lofty experience and ended up renouncing his faith altogether. When his loyal disciple Rabbi Meir urged Elisha to repent, the latter disclosed that he had heard a Heavenly proclamation that his teshuva would not be accepted –“return, you wayward children, except for Acher.”

What about Elisha ben Avuya’s actions were so grave that the gates of repentance were closed before him? Was he really that much worse than other infamous characters we come across in Jewish sources? Even Menashe, the wicked king who swayed the entire Jewish people to idol worship and killed the prophet Yeshayahu (his own grandfather) was given a chance to repent and his teshuva was accepted. By gaining an insight on the reasons for excluding Acher from the fundamental ability to repent, we can shade light on our own power to return to the proper path and do teshuva.

To understand this, we must keep in mind that teshuva comes in two different flavors, teshuva originating in fear of retribution, and teshuva motivated by the love of G-d. Though both types of teshuva are accepted, the first voids the sin and clears the scoreboard, while the second places the repentant at an advantage by turning his sins into virtues. “זדונות נעשות לו כזכויות”.

What ensues is a paradox by which it becomes “worth our while” to repent out of love so as to make the greatest gain. On the other hand, so long as we stand to gain something by doing teshuva, our motivations are less than 100% pure and our teshuva is, by definition, not motivated by love.

There are just two ways out of this catch-22. The first is to make the repentant aware that his teshuva would not be accepted. once a person expects no gain out of his doing teshuva, he can do so without ulterior motives and ironically gain everything. Note that G-d’s unwillingness to accept Elisha’s teshuva is articulated by Elisha himself. He was the only one to hear the decree.

In order to enable Elisha ben Avuya, who was so intimately familiar with the spiritual frameworks of Judaism, to repent out of love, G-d created the illusion that his teshuva was undesirable. The Baal Shem Tov was put through a similar test, when following a set of circumstances he was notified that he had lost his share in the world to come. Unlike ”Acher,” the Baal Shem Tov was overjoyed by the newly-found ability to worship G-d out of pure love without standing to gain anything. (And of course his after-life position was immediately returned to him.)

The second solution to the paradox of pure teshuva is G-d’s offer of pardon regardless of whether or not we have done teshuva. According to the Rambam in Hilchot Teshuva, at the time of the Beit Hamikdash (the Temple), all but the gravest of sins were forgiven by the end of Yom Kippur even if the person did not repent. By granting forgiveness “free of charge,” G-d enables us to cleanse our teshuva of ulterior motives and to take our eyes off the “bottom line.”

This is one of the reasons why Yom Kippur is known as the day the slaves are released. While in the days of yore, slaves were set free on the Yom Kippur of the Jubilee year, this day also frees us from the enslavement of keeping accounts with G-d. Even though we don’t have the Beit Hamikdash and atonement is no longer automatic, somehow Yom Kippur empowers everyone to return, and even those who are far from Judaism find their way to shul on this day. The emotional prayers and the very atmosphere of Yom Kippur seldom leave people unmoved. G-d gives each of us the chance to mend our ways and come close to Him.

It is my sincere wish that we all take this opportunity to purify ourselves and be inscribed for a year of happiness, prosperity, and peace.

On modesty and spirituality

Sep 23rd, 2009
by Leah.
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A Mother in Israel blogged about a sign from a Jerusalem playground, which had called on women maintaining a high level of tzniut (modesty) to stay away from other women, dressed in a more relaxed fashion. Most people have a gut feeling that this kind of segregation within a community is wrong, but in my opinion it’s much more serious than that. It breaks down our ethics and completely distorts Judaism and halacha.

An old dictum says that a chumra (stringency) in one area almost always results in a kula (leniency) in something else. Placing excessive focus on a specific halacha carries the risk of blurring the larger picture. For example, someone careful to pray vatikin on Shabbos is less available to educate his kids to daven properly (unless he goes to shul twice). Likewise, the growing preoccupation with modesty is leading our community to deemphasize women’s feelings.  I am not saying we should tell men “to control themselves” and encourage women to dress as they please, but as a community we have to include both considerations when setting social norms.

Reading the post reminded me of a story about Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, related by Rabbi Eliyahu Yosef during the last Binyan Shalem convention (Rabbi Yosef is the author of HaTorah HaMesamachat, an inspiring biography of Rabbi S. Z. Auerbach; volume two is due to be published after the holidays).

About 25 years ago, a well-known Jerusalem yeshiva high school employed a female science teacher. Other staff members felt that to be inappropriate and resolved to pose the question to Rabbi Auerbach. After ascertaining that the teacher in question was maintaining appropriate appearances, Rabbi Auerbach ruled that while it was undesirable to employ a female teacher in a boys’ school, the school would have to retain her until the end of the year, since it was too late for her to find other employment. At the same time, the administration was instructed to tell the teacher that she should start looking for a different position for the following year.

To me this story illustrates one component of Rabbi Auerbach’s greatness, namely his ability to find a solution that would maintain harmony between seemingly opposing values. Though he was very concerned about tzniut, this concern did not prevent him from ensuring compliance with halachot of Yorah Deah and proper interpersonal relationships.

While very few people are blessed with Rabbi Auerbach’s genius and sensitivity, we can all draw inspiration to take a more holistic approach to our spirituality. And there is no more befitting time to do so than during these days of repentance and awe.

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