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What Your Car Can Teach You (With Some Help from Up There)

May 12th, 2010
by Leah.
3 comments

Here’s a real story from tonight. I was returning from a PTA meeting at my son’s school with a car full of neighbors. At one point, we saw a car parked smack in the middle of the street while the driver was animatedly talking to somebody. I flashed the lights, but the guy didn’t pay any attention, so I carefully drove around him (there wasn’t really that much room there) and dropped off my friend several blocks away.

On our way back, the car was still parked in the middle of the road. I drove over to the driver’s side and calmly told him that he was blocking the street. Instead of apologizing, he tried to brush me off with a joke. I reprimanded him for the lack of derech eretz and drove off.

One of my friends got really mad at this behavior. As we discussed it in the car, it slowly dawned on me that reprimanding him in front of four other people in the car was not the right thing to do.

Once we got to our parking lot, but before I had a chance to park properly, the neighbor sitting in the front passenger seat noticed that she was missing a lens from her glasses. I pulled up the parking brake and the three of us started searching for the lens. As soon as the lens was found, the most amazing thing happened. The car, which had stood perfectly still until that moment, started sliding downhill and finally hit a wall about 5 yards away.

After the initial shock dissipated, it became clear to me that the incident was directly related to the reprimand given to the other driver several minutes prior. Although it might have been perfectly reasonable to notify him that he was blocking whatever traffic might occasion down the street at 11:30 PM, it was not OK to pass judgment on his personality, especially not in front of other people. Instead of the knee jerk reaction, I could have given him the benefit of the doubt or just driven off without the second comment. The reminder to try harder the next time around was not long in coming.

The price of the lesson – a broken light and a smashed bumper. Blessed is He who takes out His anger on sticks and stones.


 


Dead Ends as Opportunities

Apr 30th, 2010
by Leah.
2 comments

It all began a couple of weeks ago, when my husband asked our friendly neighbourhood carpenter to turn a large bookcase in the guest room into two smaller units. For various reasons, we couldn’t schedule a time for the carpenter to come by and dismantle the unit, until finally he called Thursday morning and came over.

As soon as he stacked the contents of the bookcase on the floor and pulled the shelves apart, it dawned on me that we were going to host two families (including my in-laws) for Shabbat and this room was where the in-laws were supposed to stay! I have no idea how something like that could have slipped my mind less than an hour after planning a menu and shopping for all these guests, but there I was, staring at a room brimming with books and toys and no place for people and beds. Talk about hospitality!

There wasn’t much to do at that point, since the carpenter said he would not be able to finish the job before Shabbat. That was when I had one of my recently discovered minain moments.

What’s a minain moment you may ask? David Hamelech in Psalms (121) says, “I will lift my eyes to the mountains; from where will my help come? My help comes from G-d…” The Hebrew word minain – “from where” can also be split into two words and read as min ain – from nothing.

Dead-end situations, in which there’s nothing you can do, often trigger anger or despair. Instead, we can choose to view such events as divine signals that someone else is running the show. By giving up the illusion of control and acknowledging G-d’s presence in our lives, we can actually “make room” for Him to step in and help us along the path that is more fitting than what he had originally chosen. Since encountering this perspective, I’ve come to call dead ends “minain moments.”

Back to our bookcase. When my husband came home after a l-o-o-o-o-n-g day at work and saw the state of the guest room, he was speechless. I owned up to the mistake and, although he was visibly upset, he exerted himself to stay calm. Both of us viewed the events as a test of our ability to take things in stride and control our tempers.

To make a long story short, guess who showed up half an hour later with one of the two bookcases ready? Chaim the carpenter told us he had made an extra effort to get at least one of the units done, so that my husband could properly perform the mitzvah of honouring his parents.

We were able to store most of the stuff in the new bookcase and give the room a semblance of order. Our hosting plans were back on track. Meanwhile we got some valuable character training, while getting a glimpse of a true mentsch.


 

Easy Passover Dessert

Mar 24th, 2010
by Leah.
2 comments

A couple of years ago, my mother gave me the gift of my dreams – an ice cream machine. We’ve been using it a lot for making coffee slurpees and frozen yogurt, but last week I had to do something with our passion fruit harvest, and so we had Passion Fruit Orange Sorbet for Shabbat.

Truth is, you don’t need an ice cream machine to make great ice cream. With Passover just around the corner, homemade ice cream or sorbet make an excellent chometz-free dessert. The best thing is that you can take care of your Passover dessert needs ahead of time by making several batches in different flavors all at once. This way you will not have to worry about dessert every time Shabbat or Yom Tov roll around.

This simple recipe is based on a sugar and water (or juice) syrup mixed with the fruit puree of your choice. I suggest that you multiply the quantities in the recipe by the number of batches you need, make all the syrup at once, while at the same time processing different fruit. Then mix each type of fruit with syrup and freeze according to these instructions. (If you happen to have a kosher for Passover ice cream machine, more power to you).

The whole process will take just a little bit more time than making one batch of ice cream, but you’ll be all set for the entire week.

Basic Sorbet Recipe

Passion Fruit Orange Sorbet

Passover Alert: Bugs in Your Lettuce

Mar 22nd, 2010
by Leah.
2 comments

With Passover just around the corner, the Chief Rabbinate of Israel published the results of laboratory tests, which checked the presence of bugs in lettuce and celery marketed as being bug-free. In a radio interview, Rabbi Shmuel Eliyahu, who spearheaded the initiative, said that some packages of “insect-free” lettuce had as many as 500 bugs inside. He recommended soaking all green leafy vegetables in soapy water and the washing them under running water.

You might want to print out this list before going shopping for Passover.

Name of Company Guidelines
Birkat Katif

Recommended to soak in soapy water and wash under running water before use
Hasalat
Alei Habsor
Glatt Alim
Yevul Hanegev

Must soak in soapy water and wash under running water before use
Yarok Mehakfar
Yarok Ministry Hateva
Meitav Haaretz
Marina Glatt
Alei Bodek
Alim Yerukim
Alim Nakiim
Katif BaGolan
Katif Haaretz Hatova
Birkat David

Must soak in soapy water and wash under running water before use and inspect each individual leaf for bugs
Y. Yevulei Katif
Yevulei Lakish
YK”M
M. Sh. Katif
Alei Hasharon
Tnovot Haaretz

Here is the original poster published by the Rabbinate (in Hebrew).

rabanut3

Here are some more resources for vegetable cleaning.

Wishing everyone happy and kosher passover!

Passover Cleaning with Serenity

Mar 19th, 2010
by Leah.
1 comment

Every year as Passover approaches, Rav Shlomo Aviner publishes his Guide to Passover Cleaning in One Day. The motto of the guide is that dirt is not chametz and children are not the Pesach sacrifice.

In a similar vein, last week, the Jewish Women’s Project for Ahavas Yisrael, which organizes learning groups for women, sent out an interesting dvar torah along with some tips for Passover cleaning without losing shalom bayit.

Don’t you wonder why so many of us feel compelled (and often drive ourselves and our family crazy in the process) to make our homes sparkle and shine in places no chometz could possibly hide? While knowing what is halachically necessary to clean and focusing on that is of primary importance to keep us emotionally balanced, Rav Yitzchok Berkovits says this urge for extra cleaning actually has a positive source and he shares the secret with us:

On Pesach, when we wear our best new clothing, set the table with our finest china and serving ware, lean on cushions as we sip good wine from sparkling crystal, we are not only celebrating our freedom, but that Hashem raised us from the status of lowly slaves to a people of nobility.

The Jewish People are aristocracy, mamleches kohanim v’goy kodesh. To fulfill the mitzvah of celebrating our freedom, we have to actually feel our aristocracy.

When we are inexplicably driven to make our home into a sparkling palace in time for Pesach, it is because we want this royal atmosphere to permeate our homes the Seder night. That is why it’s  hard for some of us to sit still until our windows and our silver and our floors all gleam.

Nobles live in a palace. We are the inhabitants of the palace, let’s act with Malchus.

How does a Melech act? With patience, compassion, a sense of calm and warmth. Let the crown we wear Seder night be won with weeks of smiles, soft speech, easy forgiveness and accessible love. This is the essence of Ahavas Yisrael, and the true fulfillment of Jewish aristocracy.

4 Tips to help you prepare for Pesach with Ahavas Yisrael:

  • Pesach begins and ends with untold grocery store runs. Check with a neighbor before you go, she also might be in need of another 3 dozen eggs.
  • Make cleaning breaks with your family a time to enjoy one another’s company.
  • Laugh when the jellyroll falls apart, and forgive when someone takes your parking space.
  • Be generous with praise, liberal with smiles, openhanded with help.

May Hashem bring you to the Seder table crowned in serenity.

The Story of a Modern-day “Evyon”

Feb 24th, 2010
by Leah.
3 comments

A few days ago I received an extremely poignant reminder of the true nature of Purim from a friend of mine, which I am reprinting here with her generous permission. The author wishes to remain anonymous. I am truly speechless.

I am extremely saddened and shocked over the unfortunate news I received today of the passing of a young man from my husband’s yeshiva in Jerusalem.  Though I was not close to him at all, we had hosted him for Shabbat and holiday meals in the past, and he found a soft spot in both my and my husband’s hearts.  Please allow me to share a few thoughts with you as an expression of my own emotions and as way of gaining strength from such a perplexing and tragic situation.

This young man was a ger (convert) from the Ukraine who had come to Israel on his own to deepen his knowledge of Judaism and to fully embrace life and culture as a member of the Jewish people.  He learned for a short while at the yeshiva, living in the same dorm room as my husband did before we were married.  He was brilliant, spoke several languages, and had a PhD, I believe, in bio-engineering.

After learning at the yeshiva, he moved out on his own to an apartment in the area, and looked for work in his field out of necessity to support himself and remain in Israel.  This unfortunately took some time, though.  He meanwhile continued to attend lessons as much as he could at the yeshiva.  Alone in a foreign country, the yeshiva was his only real source of support.  I don’t want to speculate because one can never know what is going on in other people’s lives, but from the outside it appeared that he was struggling, when, already a very slim individual, he became disturbingly thin over time.

Yet, despite these challenges he was always a very jovial and smiling individual, with endearing quirks, and not-quite-complete fluency in English that made for sweet and unexpected remarks from time to time.

I do not know all the details of his death yet, but from what my husband told me, when the young man didn’t show up for a lesson, one of the rabbis instinctively knew something was wrong because this was not a person who missed out on his lessons for no particular reason.  The rabbi went looking for him, and eventually found him in his apartment.

Often my husband mentioned that he wanted to invite him over more, but like so many of us, leading busy lives and caught up in our own “issues”, we failed to reach out sufficiently to this poor young man.  Yes, we knew he lived alone, and yes, it was clear that he immensely appreciated (and needed) a nourishing meal in a warm home, but of course we had our own affairs to deal with, errands to run, lives to live…  Obviously no single person can blame themselves for a tragedy such as this, but I cannot help but think, could we have done more to help this person, who, really, had no one?

The overwhelming feeling that I have in light of this unfortunate event is that we cannot do enough kindness for one another.  There are so many people out there who are in need of help, be it physical or spiritual, and who we need to continue to reach out to on an ongoing basis.  By inviting someone over you may feel that you are “yotzi”, as they say colloquially in religious circles (meaning, roughly, you’ve done your duty and now you’re discharged of any further obligation).  But helping others is not a one-time thing.

Most of us, thankfully, have relatively small problems to deal with.  To give a personal example, my husband and I have, for some time, been carefully debating whether or not to move out of Jerusalem to a smaller, more bedroom-type community, where it is substantially cheaper.  Meanwhile, I have a decently well-paying job, we have a comfortable apartment in a conveniently located area, and we are blessed to have the means to have guests over regularly, and to treat ourselves from time to time.

I consider myself quite a giving and compassionate person, yet I can easily think of half a dozen people in my area who I know could benefit from a little more kindness in their lives.  I am well aware of their situations yet I don’t reach out to them. “Why?” I ask myself.  It is so easy to feel that we “do our part” when it comes to chessed (kindness) by inviting people over and by helping out from time to time in the community.  But believe me, you can always do more.

We are approaching the holiday of Purim, a day in which we are obligated to distribute charity to the poor, give gifts of food to friends and neighbors, have a festive meal, and hear or read the scroll of Esther.  I encourage you to push yourself beyond what you might normally do and use this as a time to reach out to others.  In addition to giving monetary charity, give someone a listening ear.  Then do it again the next day, and the day after that.  Give a gift of food to someone you know is on the fringes of the community or who might not otherwise have much to eat.  Invite a few people to your festive meal who you think might not have anywhere else to go.  If you know how, read the scroll of Esther for someone who may be housebound.  Many opportunities exist for doing kindness for others.  Please, don’t pass them up.

Homemade Purim Costume Ideas

Feb 22nd, 2010
by Leah.
2 comments

Yesterday, while looking through a family album, I spotted some pictures of homemade Purim costumes I have made over the years. I don’t particularly like store-bought costumes, so over the years I have gathered many original Purim costume ideas to dress up my kids. Homemade costumes are cheaper, more versatile, and more fun than the run-of-the-mill offerings available for sale. None of these costumes require any sewing, so you can make them yourself from items you already have at home. Now that’s something even moms can enjoy.

Shulchan Arukh or Purim seuda

Here is an original costume idea. Start with a disposable tablecloth. Cut an opening for the head in the middle. Using a stapler or a glue gun attach disposable dishes, napkins, and silverware (preferably colorful).

(more…)

Family-Work – Is there a Balance?

Feb 20th, 2010
by Leah.
3 comments

This week’s Matzav Haruach (a Shabbat newspaper popular in the religious Zionist community) published a story recently related by former Knesset member Gila Finkelstein from the National religious Party. Apparently, before Mrs. Finkelstein decided to take part in the previous Knesset elections, she and her husband consulted Rabbi Mordechai Eliyahu. Rabbi Eliyahu started the meeting by asking the husband whether he was willing to give up proper meals three times a day to accommodate his wife’s new job. After getting an affirmative answer, Rav Eliyahu advised Gila Finkelstein to run for office and wished her success.

This story is very relevant for many women deliberating how to strike a balance between the needs of the family, the desire for self-actualization, and the ability to impact the world at large. A couple of months ago, I was asked to run for our community’s executive committee. It was a hard decision, because while I felt I had what to contribute, it was not in the best interests of my family at that time.

So what do YOU think? Is it possible to work for the community or pursue a career without losing sight of the family? What’s the best way to do that?


 

Checking Fruit for Insects – Tu B’Shvat

Jan 25th, 2010
by Leah.
2 comments

As balmy spring-like weather gave way to four straight days of rain last week, all of us in Israel were reminded that the winter is far from over. The rain was a fitting gift for the fruit trees (and their growers) as they get ready for Tu B’shvat, the Jewish Arbor Day, in just a few days.

Many Israelis commemorate Tu B’shvat by eating dried fruit. The original custom back in the Diaspora was to eat fruit from the Land of Israel. Since it was impossible to obtain fresh fruit, people would eat dried dates, figs, and olives brought from Eretz Israel. Ironically, the Israelis perpetuate the custom by eating dried fruit imported from Turkey, instead of feasting on fresh locally grown oranges, apples, and kiwis so abundant at the markets. (more…)

The Point of Divergence

Jan 11th, 2010
by Leah.
No comments yet

In the wake of the recent Leib Tropper scandal, I have read quite a lot about his Eternal Jewish Family and its ongoing battle against Modern Orthodox and Religious Zionist conversions in the US and in Israel. While many bloggers view it as a power struggle, I think that the political differences are an extension of a theological rift, which in recent decades has been pushing the charedi and the so-called Modern Orthodox camps further apart.

While halacha requires a convert to demonstrate both a sincerity of purpose and a commitment to Jewish observance, Tropper’s EJF has chosen to relax its standards in regard to the former (by converting Jew’s Gentile spouses), while blasting non-charedi conversion courts for foregoing the later. This distinction became especially apparent in an interview given by Shannon Orand, who last week completed her conversion in Israel. (more…)

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