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January, 2011:

Does Jewish Feminism Empower Women?

Learning nishmat gemara learning Does Jewish Feminism Empower Women?Last month, The International Rabbinic Fellowship, the most liberal of Orthodox rabbinic associations in the US, voted against accepting female members, effectively withholding its recognition for Sara Hurwitz’s rabbinic status. The issue has sparked a lively debate among several Facebook friends about women’s abilities to serve in positions of religious leadership.

Despite having spent my teen years at Rabbi Avi Weiss’s shul, with its gender-equal sanctuary and women’s prayer group, and being educated at such strongholds of progressive women’s education as Frisch, Drisha, and Midreshet Lindenbaum, I still think that the Orthodox female clergy discourse is a classic case of misplaced energies. If the goal of ordaining female rabbis is to show the world that whatever men can do, women can do better, than this is the way to go. However, I am skeptical that ordination for women will introduce more meaning into widespread Jewish observance or bring women into the beit midrash en mass. If anything, Jewish herstory of the last 100 years since the establishment of the first Bais Yaakov in 1917 has demonstrated that working with the establishment, not against it, is by far the most effective path to empowering women.

This becomes especially clear when contemplating the Orthodox community in Israel. Without any fighting and with little fanfare, Israeli women are making huge strides towards extensive Torah learning and religious leadership roles. During the half century since its establishment, Michlala has trained tens of thousands of highly educated women that went on to revitalize religious education. In recent years, Rabbi Brovender found ways to work with the Rabbinate to introduce toanot rabbaniyot (religious court advisors) into batei din, while Rabbanit Henkin’s yoatzot halacha program bestows rabbinic consultancy functions on women with minimal opposition.

A demonstrative standing reception for Sara Hurwitz at last year’s JOFA convention is self-understood at any Torah lesson delivered by a female scholar in Israel. It is precisely this lack of feminist agenda that has advanced women’s standing within the Orthodox community with full support of the rabbinic establishment. From Dana Tirosh’s annual Binyan Shalem conferences, attracting some 5,000 women, to Yemima Mizrachi’s standing-room-only lectures, to Rebbetzin Wertzberger’s 70,000-member-strong Mishmeret Hashalom network, life-long learning and meaningful observance by women are a natural part of any Orthodox community here.

During my senior year in high school, an NCSY director told me that most graduates of traditionally-oriented seminaries are more dedicated to life-long Torah learning than their counterparts at seemingly enlightened women’s “yeshivot.” At the time, I found that hard to believe. Today, almost 15 years after studying at both types of schools, I can attest to the veracity of the statement. Unlike, various Modern Orthodox “scholar circles,” right-wing seminaries do not produce  handfuls of high-profile prodigies. They train thousands of erudite women living the Torah values and passing them on to the future generation. Many of these women go on to attain leadership positions, not because they are interested in leadership per se, but because they want to make a difference in what they identify as areas of communal need.

Yeshivat Maharat’s program with its four rabbinic hopefuls might succeed in overcoming the obstacles to ordaining narrowly accepted Orthodox female clergywomen. Yet, I doubt its influence will ever match the possibilities created by women’s initiatives leshem shamayim within the seemingly constrictive confines of rabbinic approval.

Creative Leftovers – Using Leftover Soup

Soups are a winter lunchtime staple at our house. Unfortunately, my kids lose their enthusiasm for just about any soup on day 2, so I have to figure out what to do with leftover soup. A fast Google search produced many results on how to make soup out of leftovers (that’s a no-brainer), but pitifully few ideas of ways to use leftover soup.

Here are some things that I do to give leftover soup new appearances:

1. Mash some of the vegetables with a stick blender and add new seasoning. It will look like a different soup.

2. Remove the vegetables, mash, mix with flour and eggs and fry as croquettes.  Stuff into a pita with humus and tahini for a falafel alternative.

3. Remove the vegetables and use in a stir-fry. Freeze the broth to use in a sauce.

4. Use the solids for a casserole. (HT to @mominisrael)

Here’s an ad-hoc recipe for a 15-minute meal out of leftover vegetable soup:

Tuna Couscous Sauce

leftover vegetable soup

1-2 cans tomato sauce

water

2 cans tuna

1/2 tbsp paprika

1 tsp salt

Simmer together for 15 minutes and serve over couscous.


 

The Incredible Edible Tu Beshvat Kid Craft

In Israel, the holiday of Tu Beshvat is associated with tree planting and dried fruit. The tradition of eating dried fruit is rooted in the years of exile, where fresh fruit was generally unavailable in the middle of winter. Despite the veritable cornucopia of fresh fruit available at any local grocery, most Israelis still go for the dried, sugared stuff (usually imported from Turkey or the Far East) instead of the real thing.

Here’s what I picked up for our family Tu Beshvat seder at our small village grocery store

P1000103 The Incredible Edible Tu Beshvat Kid Craft

Israeli Fruit Basket - Tu Beshvat

I did get some dried fruit as well for the kids’ Tu Beshvat craft project –

P1000102 The Incredible Edible Tu Beshvat Kid Craft

The Fruit Bouquet

All you need are some wooden skewers and a variety of colorful dried fruit (dates, figs, prunes, apricot, apples, pineapple, etc). The finished product can look something like this:

Once you get enough skewers, you can display them in a flower vase for as long as you can keep your family from devouring them.

spacer The Incredible Edible Tu Beshvat Kid Craft

Successful Parenting – Tough or Love

All parents want to raise  successful kids. While the vision of success may change from parent to parent, the underlying desire for performance remains the same.  No matter the definition of “successful,” be it intellectual achievement, financial wealth, or social acceptance, our desire is driven by the perception of kids as extensions of ourselves and reflections of our parenting.

This thought resurfaced as I was reading Amy Chua’s account of her Chinese parenting style in the Wall Street Journal tonight. The Yale Law School professor has managed to raise two daughters on a strict diet of discipline, homework, and social isolation.

“A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what these parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it’s like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I’ve done it. Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do: attend a sleepover, have a playdate, be in a school play… watch TV or play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade less than an A, not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama, play any instrument other than the piano or violin, not play the piano or violin.”

Chua praises the Chinese way of insisting on “tenacious practice” as the means for achieving the desired results, which then brings the child praise and love. As an example, in order to force her 7-year-old daughter to practice a difficult music piece, Chau

“hauled Lulu’s [the child’s] dollhouse to the car and told her I’d donate it to the Salvation Army piece by piece if she didn’t have “The Little White Donkey” perfect by the next day. … I threatened her with no lunch, no dinner, no Christmas or Hanukkah presents, no birthday parties for two, three, four years. When she still kept playing it wrong, I told her she was purposely working herself into a frenzy because she was secretly afraid she couldn’t do it. I told her to stop being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic…. We worked right through dinner into the night, and I wouldn’t let Lulu get up, not for water, not even to go to the bathroom. The house became a war zone, and I lost my voice yelling…Then, out of the blue, Lulu did it. Her hands suddenly came together—her right and left hands each doing their own imperturbable thing—just like that.”

I am not writing about Chua’s story because of its merits. Some Chinese bloggers were quick to point that this roadmap to success has resulted in record depression and suicide rates among young Asian women. Still, while “the end justifies the means” approach is abhorrent to most Western parents, it is only an extreme example of the conditional love with which most people raise their children. In many a house and almost every classroom behavioral modification has become the tool of choice for shaping children to fit into the desired mold. Kids earn praise and encouragement for good grades and polite behavior. This conditions children to think that their intrinsic value and goodness are dependent on some type of achievement or obedience.

For me, trying to raise my kids with unconditional love is an ongoing challenge. For starters, I’ve stopped treating toys and sweets as prizes for good behavior. How would you feel if your husband were to promise you a bouquet of flowers if you don’t scorch the food for the next week? That would be completely different from receiving the same bouquet just because “I love you,” wouldn’t it? I think the kids feel the same way. When a mom gives a child a piece of chocolate for getting an A on the test, she is manipulating him into getting good grades. The child is made feel that to be worthy of love he has to deliver. On the other hand, the same chocolate given will be taken as a sign of affection when it is presented as such.

And then there is the discipline side. Chua claims that Western parents’ obsession with self-esteem prevents them from setting boundaries. To that I would add that democracy has made too many inroads into our education, putting parents and children on equal footing. While children should be allowed to make age-appropriate choices, parents have the responsibility to use their broader experience and knowledge and act as guides.

This is the flip side of conditional love. It is not an all or nothing game. Strict behavioral limits do not spell lack of love; they enable the child to flourish in a safe environment. It is the way discipline is handled that often sends the wrong message. Personally, whenever I deliver a measure of tough love, I try to show affection right afterwards to let the child know that the misdeed does not change the underlying love for her. This takes a lot of awareness and practice (and a good night’s sleep), but it becomes easier when I shift the focus from my expectations for the child to her need for limits.

The main difficulty in parenting is finding the extremely delicate balance between tough and love. Our kids’ individuality requires different measures of each for raising emotionally and socially well-adjusted adults. Ultimately, this is true parenting success.


 

Fabulous Fast Fruity Dessert

Recently, I came across a recipe for an Apple Crisp in one of Jerusalem’s advertising publications. The idea for a sweet fruity dessert was great, but the recipe was too sweet and oily for our taste. The apple filling, while nice, was just a tad too boring, so here is my take on this warm winter dessert.

The recipe below comes with over a dozen filling suggestions, so you can serve this every weekend for the entire winter and never repeat yourself twice. It takes less than 10 minutes to put together and the results are delicious.

Warm Winter Fruit Crisp

My favorite combinations are date-nut, apple-passion fruit, and orange-coconut. We’ve had an unexpectedly bountiful passion fruit harvest this winter from just a single plant, and I’ve been looking for creative ways to serve this fruit to my family. The crisp recipe was just the thing.

So what’s your favorite fruit combination in a baked dessert?

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