Have you ever watched your kids fight? I am always amazed by their ability to go from scratch-bite-hit to hug-love-play in five seconds flat. No matter how hard they clash, after the fight is over, there are no grudges left. After all, they are siblings, so once the issues are resolved, there is nothing to fight about.
Unfortunately, the same logic does not always apply to grown-ups. Unlike kids, adults have difficulty letting go of hard feelings. Even after we settle our differences, grown-up fights often leave bitter feelings.
During the Seder we say, “If He had brought us to Sinai and not given us the Torah that would be sufficient.” What would be the point of standing before Sinai if it had not culminated in the giving of the Torah? The Torah tells us “ויחן שם ישראל נגד ההר” “Israel camped there opposite the mountain.” The word “camp” is singular, prompting the Sages to comment, “as one person with one heart.”
The unity of the Jews is not only a prerequisite for receiving the Torah. Even without the Torah, there is crucial value in unity. A well-known midrash in Vayikra Rabah contrasts the times of Ahav and David. Despite rampant idol-worship, Ahav was victorious in his wars, precisely because the people were at peace with each other. On the other hand, during David’s reign, although Jews faithfully kept the Torah, the internal bickering caused them losses on the battlefield.
Faulty interpersonal relations are so dire in G-d’s eyes that even phenomenal Torah scholarships, which culminated in the writing of the Mishnah, could not save the Jews from the exile.
This lesson was really driven home recently, as I was reading Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach’s latest biography. One Shabbat, Rav Auerbach was approached by a young rabbi, who asked what to do with a watermelon brought by an irreligious cousin. The asker had grounds to doubt the watermelon had been tithed and one is not allowed to tithe on Shabbat. Rav Auerbach asked whether in the rabbi’s mind the cousin would be offended if the watermelon would not be served. When answered in the affirmative, Rav Auerbach suggested that the family rely on a very questionable practice by one Jerusalem family to tithe all the vegetables sold on the markets. Although the practice lacked firm halachic basis, it was sufficient in order not to embarrass another person. In the end, the watermelon turned out to be completely rotten.
As I was writing this post, I received a link to a very similar Dvar Torah, delivered by Rav Yitzchak Berkovits. Here it is:
Shavuos and Interpersonal Relationships from Jerusalem Kollel on Vimeo.
May we merit being nice to each other. G-d will take care of the rest.
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