This week’s Matzav Haruach (a Shabbat newspaper popular in the religious Zionist community) published a story recently related by former Knesset member Gila Finkelstein from the National religious Party. Apparently, before Mrs. Finkelstein decided to take part in the previous Knesset elections, she and her husband consulted Rabbi Mordechai Eliyahu. Rabbi Eliyahu started the meeting by asking the husband whether he was willing to give up proper meals three times a day to accommodate his wife’s new job. After getting an affirmative answer, Rav Eliyahu advised Gila Finkelstein to run for office and wished her success.
This story is very relevant for many women deliberating how to strike a balance between the needs of the family, the desire for self-actualization, and the ability to impact the world at large. A couple of months ago, I was asked to run for our community’s executive committee. It was a hard decision, because while I felt I had what to contribute, it was not in the best interests of my family at that time.
So what do YOU think? Is it possible to work for the community or pursue a career without losing sight of the family? What’s the best way to do that?
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I think that you can strike a balance, but I’m not sure that you can be the best at both tasks. That’s OK. I also think that it’s important for women to understand and accept that. If not, they are leading themselves down a path of disappointment and self hating – feeling like they are incompetent in one or both – home and/or work.
Self actualization is extremely important. If a woman doesn’t feel like she’s being who she needs to be, even if she’s a great mom, her family will suffer. Her family should love and respect her enough to allow her to pursue what makes her feel like she’s part of something more than her little niche of the world.
By nature, I’m a workaholic, but without family, the reason for doing and succeeding seems a bit hollow. Family makes me whole. I need both. I haven’t personally been able to strike a balance myself, but I’m sure that there is one out there.
In a family, important decisions are taken in common so it seems perfectly logical Mrs Finkelstein needed some sort of approval from Mr. Finkelstein to become a knesset member. If it had been the other way around, she also would have given her opinion. However I fail to understand why Rav Eliahu had to ask the 3 meals question. We live in the 3rd millennium for crying out loud and men don’t depend on their wives anymore to be served a hot meal.
At any case , that was not the question. I view family as a business. You need to reach a balance. Pursuing a full fledged carrier is possible in our enlighted ages but it takes a lot of good communication within the family unit and excellent organization skills to provide the infrastructure necessary. Just like any other business decision, before one accepts a new responsibility in the community one needs to assess projected gratification/income/value versus costs and consequent profit. It’s important to consider that family life always changes just like a business does. Sometimes it’s a good time to take risks, sometimes its’ better to wait before implementing bold ideas.
@Rena, I agree with every point you make. Multitasking is always difficult and we need to love ourselves enough to be able to accept our limitations.
@Nathalie, I think the 3-meals question wasn’t really about food. The rav was probably trying to gauge the husband’s support, which as you noted is essential for any public official (whether male or female).
The comparison you draw between family and business is very interesting. I wonder what would happen if people were to begin writing a family plan before having children, set long and short-term goals, and draw up annual profit and loss statement to check how the “family business” was coming along. On a more serious note, I agree that our families could benefit from certain business management techniques.