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November, 2009:

The Mystery Factor in Mother’s Milk

Nov 30th, 2009
by Leah.
4 comments

Have you ever considered why is it that mother’s milk cannot be measured? Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to feed the baby and know exactly how much she has eaten?

The idea hit me while responding to comment on my posting about my baby’s feeding troubles. All of a sudden I realized that common advice to stop nursing, given by doctors whenever a baby doesn’t seem to follow textbook development patterns, is not rooted in opposition to Mother Nature. It is simple: formula can be measured in grams (or pints), making it possible to know just how much the baby has eaten. Armed with this knowledge, a doctor can analyze the data in terms of calorie, vitamin, and mineral intake and develop a treatment plan.

All of that is impossible with breast milk. How many grams are in a 5-minute feed? And how many calories? Unless you resort to weighing the baby before and after every feeding, as my mother had been instructed to do when I was a baby, the exact amounts remain a mystery. And what is in that breast milk anyway? It has not undergone chemical lab analysis, so who can vouch for its quality?!

There used to be a time when doctors could make diagnose an illness using just their five senses. Today, with the advent of futuristic technologies, this ability is gradually becoming extinct. So too with breast milk; if you can’t see it, measure it, take it apart in a lab, it is as if it doesn’t exist. Is it any wonder then, that when faced with a possibility of a problem, doctors prefer to play it safe and rely on quantifiable formula, rather than something as amorphic as breast milk. At least this way, there is a measure of control.

To me, surrounding breast milk with a bit of mystery makes perfect sense. From the Talmud we learn that, “[divine] blessing is not found not in that which has been weighed, not in that which has been measured, not in that which has been counted, but in that which is hidden from the eye.”  In His infinite wisdom, g-d has taken care of every detail of nursing, including leaving weights and measures out of it. This way, mothers can rely on their babies to eat as much as they want, without worrying about “filling the quota” and comparing their babies’ feeding needs with those of others. By keeping parental neurosis over food out of the equation, babies are given a chance to develop healthy eating habits from the start.

Don’t get me wrong. I have no intention of undermining doctors’ expertise or opposing the use of formula when things do not work out. That said, there is more to the decision than control over variables. After all, mother’s milk is not only immeasurable, it is also irreplaceable.

The financial sense of aliyah

Nov 28th, 2009
by Leah.
1 comment

This week, our close friends are coming on a pilot trip in preparation for their planned aliyah in the summer. Although the move will involve many challenges, there is one thing they’ll be glad to leave behind – spending over one half of their annual income on kids’ education.

While visiting family in the US in recent years, we have met a fair share of professional couples, who told us they could hardly make the ends meet even on a six digit income, because of huge tuition costs. That seems to be a common experience, judging from this discussion of yeshiva tuition and comments such as this:

Parents are taking their kids out of the orthodox schools and putting them in public schools. The Jewish Federation in this city has never seen the kind of numbers doing so, and believe it will only increase … I think all of us are beginning to see the future, in which we return to the 1950s and go to public school, with an after school Talmud Torah program. It’s already starting in many communities.

All of this has gotten me thinking. For years I have heard people say that can’t consider aliyah, because it is too hard to manage financially in Israel.  With lower salaries and higher prices, they argued, Israel just was not an option.

I understand that the decision to move to Israel is complex. However, people who would like to make aliyah, but are held back by financial considerations might want to check the facts. Moving to Israel can offer a financial break for two major budget items of a Jewish family – education and medical care.

Jewish education – Top-notch yeshiva education is free or very affordable. Many religious public schools are superb, but even private elementary schools charge only $50-80 a month. Yeshiva high schools cost approximately $1,500 annually (unless you choose a dorm, which should cost $3000 a year).

College fund – Despite availability of financial aid, US university tuition is prohibitively expensive. In Israel, on the other hand, college tuition amounts to $8000 for the entire degree! I actually know of people who got their degrees in Israel and then got licensed in the States all for a fraction of the cost.

Healthcare – From conversations with friends and family back in the US, I know this is a painful subject. I keep hearing stories about young couples deferring marriage to remain covered by parents’ health plans, people losing benefits, and overwhelming medical bills not covered by insurance. In Israel, medical coverage is universal and quality of care is very good. We pay a 5% health tax and nominal co-pay and can access private care by purchasing supplementary insurance ($50-100 a month for the entire family).

So, if you’ve always dreamed of moving to Israel but thought you could not afford it, do your math. The results may surprise you.

Is Israel a High Trust Society?

Nov 23rd, 2009
by Leah.
1 comment

Lately, I’ve been reading about Francis Fukuyama’s Is Israel a High Trust Society? idea of social trust. Fukuyama argues that the degree of social trust between people (beyond family or immediate social networks) in a society has sweeping consequences on its economic prosperity. To demonstrate this, Fukuyama compares countries with high levels of social trust, such as Japan, Germany, and the US, with those lacking this asset (France, Italy, and China).

Social trust allows people to socialize and cooperate unhindered in both formal and informal settings. People are more likely to believe others and rely on them to work for attaining mutual benefit. High trust societies usually develop stable political systems and facilitate the creation of large companies with less need for direct government intervention.

By way of example, Fukuyama compares corporate cultures in France and Germany. French employees and managers have limited mutual trust, leading to rigid company guidelines, seniority-based salaries, and difficulty solving problems without assistance from higher-ups. By contrast, German workers and managers trust each other more readily, which makes for more relaxed work rules, flexible salary plans, and problem solving through direct negotiations.

Fukuyama warns that in recent decades, the US has been living off previously accumulated social trust, which is being depleting due to the rise of individualism, crime, breakdown of family values, and fewer local associations.

All this has led me to applying this concept to the Israeli society in which I live. In recent years, the Israelis have become much more focused on individuality, but also more prosperous. Then again, may be we are all just one big clan, so the theory doesn’t apply to us at all.

How would you evaluate Israel in terms of social trust? Are we creating more of this asset or using it up? I look forward to reading about your “greater picture” analysis, as well as specific examples from your business dealings, work places, and general encounters.

On Breastfeeding and Growth Charts

Nov 22nd, 2009
by Leah.
10 comments

Last week, I posted an item about my baby’s seeming diagnosis of Failure to Thrive (FTT). The dietitian was adamant that I should stop nursing, give her 3 bottles of formula a day, etc, etc.

After talking this over with my husband (the most vociferous male supporter of nursing I’ve ever come across), I decided to check the facts once again. Here is what I found.

The Israeli Ministry of Health uses growth charts developed by the US Center for Disease Control  (CDC) in 2000. These charts were developed following observations of both breastfed and formula-fed babies. Based on these charts, my baby, who was born in the 25th percentile, dropped to the 3rd percentile by the age of one (this means that she weighs less than 97% of babies of her age).

However, in 2006 the World Health Organization (WHO) introduced new charts, reflecting the suggested development of breastfed babies. More recently, UK health authorities used WHO data to develop their own charts for nursing babies. The revised charts show that breastfed babies tend to gain weight fast in the early months, then taper off in their growth.

On WHO’s charts, my baby is in the 15th percentile, gaining significantly after her dip at the age of 6 months. Combine that with her steady growth in height and normal development and the picture becomes all that less worrisome.

What I’d like to know is how is it possible for a pediatric dietitian not to be aware of this information released over three years ago and widely available in both English and Hebrew. Furthermore, even if the Ministry of Health doesn’t deem it necessary to update the charts the way the Brits have done, why doesn’t it, at the very least, inform practitioners (including Mother and Child  Care – Tipat Chalav nurses) of these new standards?

As for us, we’ll continue to monitor our daughter’s growth. I have another appointment with the dietitian next month with printed charts ready and waiting for her perusal.

What in the World do I Feed my Kids? (Part I)

Nov 19th, 2009
by Leah.
11 comments

The other day, I took my one-year-old to a pediatric dietitian.  Over the last several months, her weight hasn’t been keeping up with her height, so the pediatrician thought it wise to get some nutritional guidance.

I got plenty of guidance at that visit, but how do I apply it? The dietitian thought I should:

  • wean the baby off breastfeeding and feed her plenty of formula
  • feed her every 4 hours (no snacks of any kind in between – not even fruit)
  • stay away from whole grains and opt for refined flours instead.

I left the office contemplating which one of the suggestions was the most bizarre.  On the face of it, the advice goes against everything we seem to know about nutrition. Whole grains are more nutritious than white, breast milk is preferable to formula, and many small meals better than three  square ones.

The last point really took me by surprise, but from conversations with several other people, including a registered dietitian, it seems that the extra fiber in whole grains interferes with absorption of certain minerals and causes babies to feel full faster, preventing them from eating more calories.

But as much as I didn’t welcome the idea of setting up a separate pantry for the little one, it was the first suggestion that left me clueless. Unlike our other four kids, this one has a host of allergies, including… milk, making milk-based formula a non-option. And as long as the jury is out on the safety of soy, I have no intention of pumping her with a quart of soy-based formula each day.

So now what do I do? Any ideas?

Is Israel Good Enough for Your Charity

Nov 18th, 2009
by Leah.
2 comments

Several days ago, Mother in Israel asked her readers to compare American and Israeli parenting styles. In response, someone mentioned Israelis’ lack of social graces, which has led one reader to make the following comment.

…let’s look at the effects of this aspect of Israeli culture. When tourists return from Israel with a bad taste in their mouth, will they return as often? At all? Will they tell their friends that they simply must go to Israel? Will those of us that are Jewish reach as deeply into our pockets when asked for money for Israel?

When you are asked for a contribution for Israel, and the first thing that pops into your mind is seeing an old man shoved aside by EVERYONE trying to board a bus. Or the many drivers that see by your rental car that you are a tourist and then gladly run you off the road, how does that affect your thought process? Every year North American Jews give millions of dollars to Israel, and yet it is difficult to see that Israelis appreciate it at all.

I think that it also makes it more difficult to defend Israel.

Don’t get me wrong. I still and will continue to donate money to Israeli causes, through the UJA, JNF and other avenues. I still and will continue to defend Israel as best as I can with the knowledge I have. My husband, as a professor on a campus with a very active anti-Israel movement, does so even more. But I am sure that there are others that maybe don’t donate as much or as often as they used to and maybe don’t speak up for Israel as strongly as they used to in part because of the interactions they have had with Israelis.

Nothing annoys Israelis more than the argument “it’s hard to donate to Israel when Israelis are so …” Every day, Israelis invest their sweat, blood, and tears into building this amazing country. So you can imagine how we feel when Jews from abroad tell us we are not good enough for their charity dollars or vacation budgets.

Truth is, Israel is not a charity case. It is a crucial component of contemporary Diaspora Jewish identity. A friend recently related his mother’s memories of growing up in Boston during 1930s and 1940s. While other immigrant kids had a sense of geographic belonging and could brag about the way things had been done in Italy, Ireland, or Greece, Jewish children experienced “a  deep level shame at not being able to point to a country (and not simply an area of land) on the map and say ‘that’s where my people is from.’”

Israel’s role in shaping Jewish identity was reaffirmed by a recent Brandeis study, which has shown that a single Birthright trip to the country can lower a person’s chances of intermarriage by almost one half. Over the past decade, the Israel government together with North American philanthropists has invested close to half a billion dollars in Birthright trips.

Israel appreciates all types of Diaspora solidarity. But as Shimon Peres has aptly put, the best gift one can give Israel is coming to live here.

Juggling the kids

Nov 4th, 2009
by Leah.
3 comments

Over at the Dumb Little Man, Ali posted an interesting piece on multitasking. The thrust of the article is the differentiation between tasks that lend themselves to multitasking and the ones that do not. Ali’s first choice for multitasking is childcare (followed by house work and commuting).

Some things lend themselves brilliantly to multi-tasking. These tend to be activities which are purely physical, or which by their nature take a set amount of time to complete – however well you focus. A few examples are:

Childcare. You need to be present for a set amount of time – interacting intensely with the kids won’t make that necessary time any shorter!

    First of all, Ali clearly doesn’t know the first thing about childcare. Paying half-hearted attention to a child is the sure fire way to protract the interaction. Parents’ or caregivers’ attention and validation are top priorities on any child’s list, to the extent that Dreikurs Juggling the kids described attention-getting (along with power struggles) as one of the main types of unbalanced parent-child relationships.

    Here’s what happens when people decide to multitask childcare (you do not need to understand Russian to enjoy this):

    I pity a child whose mother wants to “be present for a set period of time.” Children’s emotional, physical, and intellectual well-being requires close interactions. Granted, I too talk to my children while doing laundry, cooking dinner, or sending an email, but this is not childcare.

    Childcare means listening to a child closely to discern her real needs. Childcare means giving the child genuine warmth and unconditional love, critical for building a well-adjusted person. Childcare means taking advantage of teachable moments to help her develop intellectually. Childcare means finding creative and appropriate means of dispensing discipline to help the child integrate into society.

    Childcare is not a physical task that takes a set period of time. It is an intellectual and emotional journey that lasts decades. Its effects play an important role in every aspect of a child’s life well into adulthood. The impact of the “all-important” tasks, which according to Ali require full attention (writing documents, reading, and online research) is not even on the sample scale as the repercussions of good or faulty child rearing.

    Ultimately, 30 years down the road nobody will recall the crucial proposal or the urgent research report in which we’ve instead so much time. But our children will always carry warm childhood memories and hopefully enjoy a close relationship with us, which had evolved during those precious moments of one-on-one interaction.

    Torah as a self-help book

    Nov 4th, 2009
    by Leah.
    No comments yet

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