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Who Said Tanks Are Only for Fighting?

Although I’ve been married for 17 years, I never cease to be amazed by my husband’s tendency to re-engineer every item, gadget, and installation that finds its way into our house. Before we buy anything, he’ll spend days (and sometimes weeks) thinking of ways to change the thing to make it more compatible and workable in our household.

It can be exasperating to see every purchase turn into a  Lavi project (Lavi was a code name for the Israeli effort to create our own fighter planes. During the 1980s, the Israeli government employed over 1500 engineers as part of the  project, which was eventually scrapped under pressure from the US).

Then a few weeks ago, I read Start-up Nation and it turns out that  my favorite Israeli shares this past time with many other sabras. Somehow, I never realized that other Israelis have this propensity to  turn everything upside down and make weird uses of everyday things. Aeronautics for medical devices? Why not? Agricultural inventions in the military? All the better. In fact, this is one of the authors’  explanations for the innovative miracle that is Israel.

Still, I was really surprised by this guy’s “use” for a tank (well, not quite a tank, but close enough). Remember “Make Love Not War.” This is as close as it gets.

I Loved it! What about you?


 

Watch: Hamas Minister Admits the REAL Roots of Palestinians

For decades,  Palestinians have been claiming to be the indigenous people of the Land of Israel and casting Israel as a colonialist occupier.

Well, apparently the Hamas Minister of Interior hasn’t receive the memo regarding the official party line on Palestinian genetics. In this candid interview for the Egyptian TV he is adamant that every single Palestinian can trace his roots to Egypt, Yemen, or Saudi Arabia.

The entire video is well-worth watching, but the real nugget is around 0:45 minutes.

 

Need I say anything else?


 

The Ethos of Childhood Trauma

Unpleasant childhood experiences create permanent neurological trauma, which may lead to lifelong dysfunction. This is the premise of therapist Sarah Chana Radcliffe. What constitutes a traumatic event? According to Radcliffe being spanked and humiliated by a kindergarten teacher certainly qualifies.

“A traumatic event is any occurrence in which a child is overpowered… and hurt (physically or emotionally). A traumatic event is characterized … by helplessness. When a child – or adult – is trapped, rendered helpless, and experiences or witnesses physical or emotional mistreatment, special neural networks are laid down in the brain. This is the damage caused by traumatic events… Traumatic neural networks … can affect a person negatively for the rest of his or her life. [emphasis hers]”

While I don’t argue with the scientific evidence or the suggestion for treatment, this framing of every adverse experience as trauma sabotages our children’s education and emotional development as well as the adults’ ability to grow and cope with adversary.

Even the most well-meaning and enlightened parents have their weak moments. There is no such thing as a child – or adult – that hasn’t been overpowered or mistreated at least once.  I would argue that just about every person reading these words can recall several instances when she just “lost it.” Parental guilt is an unfortunate by-product of these run-ins.  With many women living a constant juggling act of maintaining a life/work balance and questioning their parental performance, do we really need to add yet another layer of guilt for permanently scarring our kids? Will telling mother to walk on egg shells create more liberated, laid-back, and happy parenting? I think not. On the contrary, it will result in more subversive fear, frustration, and insecurity on the part of the parents, with negative ramifications for the children’s upbrining. Self-conscious, self-doubting parents can’t parent effectively.

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Key-shaped Shlissel Challah

Baking shlissel challah,a key-shaped challah loaf traditionally made for first Shabbos after Passover is one of those practices about which people form an opinion first and find supporting evidence later.

shlissel challah 300x224 Key shaped Shlissel Challah

Shlissel Challah

Tooted as a segula for material livelihood or condemned as a superstition with pagan roots, the custom has been gaining popularity in recent years.  Some people shape a challah loaf into a key; others bake a key inside their bread dough. As with any other custom, thinking that the rite of shaping a loaf into a key will in and of itself make you rich is a fallacy. But for many people, customs such as this one, keep everyday mitzvah observance fresh and more meaningful. (more…)

4 Ideas to Simplify Next Year’s Passover NOW

After cleaning, scrubbing, and cooking for a months plus a week, chances are Pesach preparations, is the last thing you want to think about it. But if you spend just one more hour on post-Passover organizing, you’ll easily save yourself a full day of work next year.  Think back a couple of weeks and imagine what you would have given to have just one more day or just a few less chores. Remember? Good! Now just do it.

1. Organize your recipes –  for years, I’ve been collecting Passover recipes by printing them from the Internet, cutting out of magazines, and jotting down friends’ ideas on scraps of paper. The recipes have been stuffed into various places in the couple of official Passover cookbooks I own, but searching through them was a real pain.

Here is a simple way to get a handle on all those  Passover recipes you have lying around:

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What’s the point of having kids?

Could someone please explain to me what’s the point of having kids, if you are never there to see them?

If you are going “Where did that come from,” watch this:

In a famous Rabbi Nachman parable, when a king and his adviser learnt that the  whole kingdom would go crazy from eating tainted wheat, they made  signs on their foreheads so at least they would know that they were crazy.

A society in which a woman has to work up the courage to admit that she leaves work at 5;30 to see her kids for a couple of hours a day has a real problem. Last month, I read a religious publication here in Israel that featured two women in the PR industry, who spent all their waking weekday hours in the office, save for a 2-hour break for lunch with kids. Such won

Something is majorly off-balance if people need to break business conventions or make sacrifices to spend a measly 1-2 hour a day with their kids. These are not parents putting in extra-long hours to put food on the table. I appreciate the need to become successful in business, but this just sounds unfair to the kids.

Do people really think that putting up the appearances of “busy” justifies  depriving kids of time with their parents? And the worst part of it is that we think this is normal.

Does having a child obligate a parent to a certain investment of time?


 

 

10 Ideas for a Kid-friendly Passover Seder

Keeping the kids occupied and cooperative during the Passover seder is probably a bigger challenge than getting the bread crumbs from under the refrigerator grille (takes longer too). The late hour, empty stomachs, low energy, and high expectations aren’t exactly the perfect recipe for an enjoyable experience.

Still, it is possible to have a memorable, kid-friendly seder with a bit of preparation. Consider doing less cooking (after all that matza, lettuce and wine, your 4-course meal doesn’t stand a chance) and whipping up one or two activities for the kids. Here are ten ideas for creating a seder your kids will love and remember.

1. Rest – the number one tip for maintaining your sanity is to get a good night’s sleep AND take a nap before the seder. That goes for parents and kids.

2. Eat before the seder – you can’t have matza or chometz, but if you are in Israel, consider buying matza ashira “cookies” for kids (some people have a custom not to eat matza ashira, so check with your rav). Also, prepare an extra-large pot of soup with lots of chicken and vegetables. Eat vegetables and chicken for lunch, and leave the soup for the Seder.

3. Change venue – instead of holding your seder around the dining room table and sitting on chairs, how about moving to the living room? Drape the couches with quilts and bedspreads. Kids will have a ball reclining on prettily covered mattresses with pillows. Set the “table” on coffee tables, crates, night stands, or a combination of the above, covered by a tablecloth. If eating chicken soup in this setting will send your blood pressure through the roof, consider the arrangement for the reading of the Hagaddah and move into the dining room for the actual meal. Added bonus, kids can doze off without leaving the table. (more…)

The Cry of a Frum Single

This week, Rachel commented on my post about hishtadlut in shidduchim. Her observations came as a wake-up call to me, as they should be to the entire frum community. The Torah admonishes us time and again to be especially sensitive to vulnerable members of the community. Are we mindful of our responsibility?

In 1996 I was “single and looking”.  I was a divorcee, age 36. I had one daughter.  I was religious — not frum from birth — but, my parents, my siblings and their families were all religious.  My brother was a respected Rabbi in his community.   I was (and still am) an attractive woman, I dress nicely, wear makeup when appropriate.  I had a nice figure.   I am smart and socially adept.

But I remained single for almost four and half years.   Why?  Because I wear hearing aids.  I am hard of hearing.   I used the telephone. I could watch TV or go to movies.  I function so highly that unless you know what to look for you might not know that I was hard of hearing.  But SHADCHANIM saw ONLY the fact that I was hard of hearing.

EVERY SINGLE Shadchan that called me to propose a potential shidduch — they would say he is “perfect” for me. Why?  He is “deaf”, like you!  Or, he is blind. He stutters. He has a disability. He is crippled.  NOT ONCE did a shadchan suggest to fix me up with a “normal” man.  NOT ONCE!

I even asked shadchanim to please NOT to tell a potential shidduch that I was hearing impaired, with the PROMISE that I would tell him on the very first date.  There were two responses to that:  either they flat out refused or they would “yes me” — agree to my condition but they lied — they would tell the potential match.

Now, a person who has never met me or seen me, upon being told that I am “hard of hearing” might have a picture in their head of a person who speaks funny, who is hard to understand, who uses sign language.   That might frighten them off.  Until they would meet me, there would be no way to dispel this incorrect perception.  But I was never given that chance.

The ONLY way I was able to meet men was via the Internet — which back then was still budding — it was the wild wild west at the time.   But, I did finally meet a wonderful man.  At some point, while we were dating, and we were serious, I received a call from a shadchan.  Before I had a chance to get a word in edgewise and tell her that I was seeing someone she began to suggest me a man.  “Like you, he is DEAF”.

Finally, I stopped her and told her that I was seeing someone.  “Oh that’s wonderful! Mazal Tov!  Tell me about him!”  And so I did — telling her his name, age, where he was from, that he was divorced, with four daughters, and so on.  Suddenly she broke in, “Oh, yes, I know of him. He is VERY eligible. He is at the top of all our lists!”   Did she HEAR herself (oh maybe SHE is deaf???)?  “But not for me?” was my succinct reply.  Silence was all I heard at the other end of the line.  Then I told her to “please do me a favor.  Remove him from your lists – he is TAKEN.”  End of call.

I think our so called shadchanim have a LOT to learn about how to match people.  I think they have chutzpah to think that the CAN make matches.  You cannot know how hurtful the process was to me.  How many nights I cried myself to sleep, thinking “what is wrong with me?”, knowing what was wrong with me was something I could not change, and also knowing how wrong and unfair it was that so trite a thing could keep me from getting married.

Today I am once again single — albeit extremely unwillingly so.  My husband died a little over three years ago.  I loved him very much and I miss him.  But I am out there, trying once again, to find a husband.  Only this time, it is not my disability that gets in my way — because now, at age 52 that I wear hearing aids is considered more normal — part of the aging process.  However — it is now my AGE that is to my detriment.  The number of normal, stable, age appropriate men available to me is quite dismal.  It is disheartening.  I do not see it as a given that I will find a husband once again. I may grow old alone.

Now, my discontent is with how forgotten I am as a single person in a community of couples and families.  Couples make plans to go out — to movies, restaurants, shows, clubs, activities, whatever.  They invite one another to do things together — but they never invite singles to join them.  Perhaps the wives are insecure — perhaps they think I may have designs on their husbands.  Of course, I don’t.  But I cannot otherwise explain why I would not be included.  Invitations are given out IN FRONT OF ME, as if I do not exist, I am not there.   I am forgotten.  Easily and conveniently, forgotten.

My Rabbi told me that it is not true. I am not forgotten.  But he is wrong. Of course I am forgotten. Everyone gets busy with their families, their work, their friends who are couples, their own lives.  And they forget — there is a single in their midst who is alone — and lonely.

The frum world is cruel to us singles.  I frequently dine alone — even on Shabbat, especially on Shabbat or Chagim.   When and if we are invited to a simcha,  and the seating is planned — we are the “leftovers” — those that our hosts do not really know where to put us.  I frequently find myself sitting amongst people I do not know, while my friends (at least those with whom I was friendly when I was still part of a couple) are all sitting together.

These are things most of us, who are happily married and ensconced in the security of our couplehood do not think about.  I do not know what the solution is.  I only know how I feel.

So, where do we take it from here?


 

Where is God in the Shidduch Crisis?

As the sparks fly in the discussion of the shidduch crisis, thanks in no small part to Yitta Halebrstam’s article in the Jewish Press, one key factor seems to be missing from the equation – God.

Over the past several months, I have been following closely the treatment of the subject in various frum publications and blogs. Many of the stories leave me reeling.  Judaism holds it as axiomatic that any significant event in a person’s life, and certainly marriage, is subject to Divine Providence. Yes, people are expected to do hishtadlus, literally make an effort, as if our actions determine the outcome. Still,  it is Divine Will that determines the final results, not our doings.

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Yemeni Lahuh – THE Easy Bread Recipe

I love baking bread, but it took me a while to learn the skill. You’ve got to get the dough just right, not too hard and not too watery. Kneading requires quite a bit of elbow grease, unless you have a good food processor that can handle bread dough. Rising time also takes a while.

That’s why I love lahuh – a Yemeni flatbread recipe with very little room for error. There is no kneading involved and it rises very quickly.

The key to making lahuh is frying it in a cool skillet. Otherwise it will get stuck. I usually work with 2 skillets, dipping the bottom of the skillet into a sink full of cold water to cool it between each lahuh. To grease the skillet, use a paper towel or a brush with just a bit of oil.

Here is the authentic recipe from my mother-in-law.

Lahuh – Easy Yemeni Bread

1 kg (2.2 lb) flour – whole wheat works great

8 + 1 cups warm water

2 tbsp dry active yeast

1 tbsp sugar

1 tbsp salt

Mix flour, yeast, salt, sugar and 8 cups of water. Let rise until doubles in volume. The batter should be buttermilk consistency. If too think,  stir in one more cup of water (don’t worry if it a bit too watery). Let rise again.

Lightly grease a COOL skillet and pour in a ladle of batter. Fry until the top is dry and remove to a tray. Cool the skillet and repeat.

Enjoy!


 

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