New ideas about Tisha Be’av are rare. The talk of sinat chinam and loving our fellow man as the sure path to geula has become pretty trite. So I was surprised when the Rav of the shul we’ve been davening at here in New Jersey managed to come up with a novel approach.
Recaping the events of cheit hamiraglim on that very first tragic Tisha Be’av in Parshat Devarim, Moshe quotes the nation as saying, ” and you said, since G-d hates us, he took us out of Egypt to give us into the hands of the Emori to kill us off.” (Dvarim 1:27). After all the miracles of Yitziat Mitzraim, the splitting of the Red Sea, and the giving of the Torah, why in the world would the Jews believe that G-d hated them?
Sforno comments that since the Jews worshiped idols in Egypt, they were certain that they were worthy of punishment and that Exodus was G-d’s elaborate plan to destroy them. Jews believed that although G-d had the power to bring them into the Land of Israel He would take revenge by delivering them into the hands of the Emori.
This casts the entire story of the meraglim in a new light. The root of the Jews’ sin was not lack of faith in G-d, but lack of faith in themselves. No matter how many miracles G-d heaped on them, they couldn’t let go of their low self-esteem.
This beautiful insight can explain all the troubles in the desert. When a person feels worthy of something, he just asks. But since the Jews felt they weren’t deserving of anything because of their previous sins, instead of asking for water, or food, or whatever, they would start complaining.
Apparently, the sin of low self-esteem continued to plague us throughout the ages. Had the Jews valued and believed in themselves, they wouldn’t have gotten involved in the bloodshed and licentiousness of the First Temple era. And during the Second Temple, lack of self-love undermined the ability to love one’s fellow man, since the Torah establishes self-love as a prerequisite for loving one’s fellow man (Love your neighbor as yourself).
Unfortunately, we still haven’t developed enough self-esteem to bring the geula. As a nation, Israeli constantly looks over its shoulder to make sure it has the nations’ approval. Even in times of war, we are not confident enough in ourselves to exercise the right of self-defense without worrying to much about the opinion of our detractors.
On a more personal level, although our generation is preoccupied with love, many of us have been brought up on conditional love. The behavioral psychology techniques used in schools and homes cause us to think that we are good and worthy only if we do as we are told. The society keeps telling us that to be worthy you have to have a prestigious job, live in a spacious home, and drive a fancy car. Of course nobody tells us that attaining all these status symbols doesn’t do a thing for our self-esteem.
If concentrating on loving others hasn’t helped us bring the geula, may be this Tisha Be’av we can refocus by first loving ourselves. If G-d had enough faith in us to put us on this earth, we can certainly trust Him on this one and believe in ourselves. Unconditionally. That should bring us one step closer to seeing the good in others and the world in general.
I have found Rav Pliskin’s Building Your Self-image and the Self-image of Others to be a great tool in working on my self-esteem. Each short chapter presents a different tool for developing one’s self-esteem. Some tools are as easy as telling oneself affirmative messages for a few seconds each day, or finding special meaning in Shabbos and holidays. Rav Pliskin presents enough ideas, so everyone to find something that resonates.
have you ever tried working on your self-esteem? What worked for you?
